A Needed Space

I do believe I will be using this space a lot more in the coming months. There are just some things I only wish to say in a more private sector rather than for the whole world to see. Also, the fact that my mother doesn't know about this blog helps a lot. Especially since she is the subject of this post.

My mother. Allow me to preface this by saying I love my mother dearly. But she has reached a new level of selfishness that I am not even sure I can forgive.

The day after Christmas I called my mother after being unable to get a hold of her on Christmas Day. We did nothing on Christmas, per the request of my husband and mother-in-law, since it was too soon and too raw after the passing of my father-in-law to be celebrating merry holidays. Also, two days before we had just packed up what we needed at my mother-in-law's house in order to move in with her and left our home of the last five plus years. It was a difficult couple of days.

When I finally got a hold of my mother her first words to me were "What's wrong? You sound tired or sick."

Uhm. Well, let me count the ways I probably don't sound so chipper. I watched my father-in-law steadily decline over four and a half days in the hospital and then was the one holding his hand when he coded before he passed. I had to go identify the body and then support my husband and his family through the memorial service. I had to help do all the numerous things needed to do when a person dies and try not to fall apart. I had to act like everything was okay when my parents came to visit so that they could have an okay vacation. I had to deal with an insufferable brother-in-law and his bitch of a wife (which is a post in itself) during a time when blaming me was not warranted. I had to worry about my mother-in-law being alone because she frequently talked about wanting to kill herself so she didn't have to live without her husband. I had to pack up my life and move in with my mother-in-law and leave my home behind. I had to suffer through a holiday where everyone acts happy when there was no joy left in our lives. All of this in three weeks.

Excuse me for being a bit down.

I forgave the first mention. But when she asked me what was wrong with me two more times in that conversation I snapped, "Really, mother? Why would you even ask that?"

Of course she takes offense. Because her best defense is to pretend that nothing bad ever happens. She ignores unpleasant things. Always has, always will. Problem is, I want my mom. I want her to be supportive to me. Not to go on and on about how she is so upset we are selling our house and where will they stay when they come to visit?

How about this? Don't bother to come visit any more.

She also never asked how my mother-in-law was doing or my husband. She just pretended like it was any other conversation. I hung up the phone deciding to not talk to her for quite some time.

I lasted a week before I felt guilty. So I decided to call her on Friday. When she answered the phone she sounded out of sorts. Claimed I had woken her from a nap. But she was slurring her words. So much so I was scared and promptly called my father when I got off the phone with her. My dad told me not to worry, she was just drunk. Which explains why she was so teary when I spoke to her. My poor father had to listen to my mother wail on and on about how she has nothing in her life since her childhood church (which she hasn't been to in over thirty years) is closing and how her childhood home (which hasn't been owned by her family for three past owners) is being auctioned off and that her boss is retiring so she probably won't have a job anymore. She has nothing! NOTHING! That made my father feel wonderful. He pointed out that she had him but she complained he was always working. He said you have two wonderful kids and she claimed she has two kids who don't want to live near her. There is no talking to her in that state. When he gently brought up that maybe she should take it easy on the wine when she is feeling down she flew into a rage and claimed that he thought she was an alcoholic like her mother.

Great.

I have come to the conclusion that my mother probably needs therapy and be put on some sort of anti-depressants. These wild mood swings are happening more and more frequently and are affecting my dad and me since she obviously doesn't think before she speaks in that state. Problem is how to approach the subject since she is from the generation that does not believe in such things. I know she would take to the suggestion easily. In fact it may set her off worse than anything.

I really don't need any more family drama. I have enough on one side to deal with.