Money Matters

Before I write this post I have to ask...did anyone read my fourth post about the New York trip? Because I posted it the same day I posted the last one and I think it got lost in the shuffle. Not that I think I need to have a comment on every single post I write, but I do use it as a guide that at least someone how read them. However...on here I don't care so much. This is just a place to unleash all the things I can't speak about on my other blog. All my deep dark secrets and family problems. And believe me, I could fill a book...or a blog as the case may be.

So this post deals with my BIL. I like my BIL, he was my friend in college, but the fact that he is a spoiled brat, spoiled rotten and unabashedly the favorite in his family pisses me off since my husband is the one who helps his parents and is the perfect son while BIL makes them give him money and has basically ruined his life by running off to marry a woman with way too much baggage (crazy family, crazy ex-husband, little boy), which ironically is something he warned my husband never to do years ago. Never get involved with a woman with too much baggage and things you can't change, like a kid, an ex or a crazy family, and then he goes and finds someone with all three in spades. And she is a spoiled brat too so I guess they are perfect for each other.

Anyway, BIL can do no wrong in the eyes of his parents, despite helping them get in debt by cosigning on loans for law school, claiming bankruptcy and running off to Texas to live in poverty with his woman. BIL is the favorite, his mother has actually said that in front of her other sons and not as a joke. Imagine how uncomfortable it is to stand in a circle with your MIL, your two BILs and your husband an have to listen to your MIL say "Ah, (BIL) is my favorite, (older BIL) is my soldier," and not say anything about my husband, her son, who is standing right there. And then have her recover and say "Oh and (my husband) is good too." Too late lady...but that is a topic for a whole other post. All you need to know for this one is that BIL can do no wrong and the world works against him to make him fail. This is how his parents see him.

So BIL and his "fiancee" (in quotes because I don't like her, don't think they will ever get married and if they do I won't go) have an okay life going in Nevada. Both have great jobs, they are digging out of the hole created by claiming bankruptcy and her son is happy in school and playing all sorts of teams sports. Plus BIL has his family here. On the other hand his "fiancee" hates living in Nevada. She misses her home in Texas and will do anything to move back there. She has constantly said she wasn't prepared for life in Nevada because she thought since she was dating an attorney she would be living the high life (personally I think she is a gold digger) but she is dating an attorney just starting out and under a bankruptcy, Not exactly ideal situation if you expect to be livin' large.

Suddenly we discover they are moving to Texas. "Fiancee's" mother claims she needs "fiancee" to move back in with them to help her take care of her brother's baby and the house since her mom has a bad back. Then, rather than do the smart thing and wait until he has found a job in Texas, BIL burns his bridges in Nevada, quites his job with no notice and moves with no leads or contacts to Texas because he can not bear the idea of being without "fiancee" for even a few months. So they move in with her parents. Her son goes back to his old school and "fiancee" is thrilled she is back in Texas.

Two weeks later her parents up and move to Arkansas because her dad got a job offer.

Uh, what?

Why the hell would they move two weeks after begging "fiancee" to move back home to help them out? Something didn't smell right. Then BIL calls my husband and asks if he can come live with us while he studies for the Texas Bar Exam so he can make money since he can not be a lawyer yet in Texas. He wants to move in with us for a year. Because "fiancee" can't (and quite honestly, won't) move back to Nevada because when they got to Texas they changed her son's custody agreement. So her son can not live more than 50 miles from her hometown. Don't ask me why they changed it...I have asked that myself several times. So BIL wants to come back to Nevada to make money while studying for the exam. And live with us. For a year. Here is when we have the first major argument between hubby and I. You see, his brother and I lived together before and it didn't work. We are just two people who can not live in the same house. Our personalities should not be confined to small spaces for too long or they clash horribly. Hubby knows this. And for the first time he stands up to his brother and tells him he will not risk ruining his marriage to help his brother out because he decided to move when we all told him to wait and stay in Nevada until he figured out what was going on.

My husband's parents are not happy with him for not helping his brother. I couldn't be more thrilled.

Fast forward to last month. BIL and "fiancee" have not been doing too well. Even though he passed the Bar he has not yet found a good lawyer job and is only clerking, making about a third of what he made in Nevada. On top of that "fiancee" decided she wants to open her own photography studio. So any money she makes goes right back in to the studio for supplies and printing. Not the time to follow your dream. They are in dire-straights but she still does not get a full-time job, expecting Michael to handle all the money and their finances. So he calls his brother, my husband, to ask for money.

Because they don't have enough money for their bills. Their registrations have expired, one car was repossessed so they had to get some clunker with no brakes. No health insurance, no car insurance and their licenses are about to expire. Remember too they are driving around with a seven year-old in their cars. Plus the condo in Nevada is in foreclosure. He needs money. And not just a couple hundred but thousands.

My husband tells him we just refinanced our house and bought a car so we had no extra money, but that he would have given BIL the $5,000 we put down on the car if he had it. When I discovered this I blew my top. I don't believe it is our responsibility to bail him out of the mess he got himself in to. And that is a lot of money and we would never see it again. Thus started the second fight between hubby and I. He wanted to help his brother, I was not willing to allow us to go in to debt to bail him out of his problems. He is 30 years old. Take responsibility for yourself. Besides, why wasn't he calling his parents or better yet, "fiancee's" parents who were a big cause of their whole mess in the first place? Then hubby informs me BIL had called his parents and my lovely MIL tells him to call my husband because he is making lots of money with his new job so he should have plenty of money to give him.

This is why I always tell my husband our financial situation is no one's business.

I put my foot down. No money will be going to aid his brother. But I go back on my earlier statement and say BIL can move in with us and get a job here because he will be sure to make a lot of money here, more than in Texas, and we can give him a place to stay while he gets back on his feet.

But BIL won't leave Texas without "fiancee" and she can't leave because of her kid. Which is suspect because a year ago he was begging to come and stay. Made me wonder if there is a reason he won't leave her alone...that something happened to test his faith in her. Yet another reason to hate that relationship.

The second call hubby gets informs him that their electricity was shut off, "fiancee" lost her cell phone and they can not make their rent. We still don't have any money to give them, we have our own bills to worry about. Again we offer for him to come and stay, again he refuses. We tell him to move in with his parents who are moving back to Nevada, but he will not leave Texas.

Weeks later we find out hubby's parents have taken out a home equity loan on their home in Nevada and my MIL will have to go back to work because they sent so much money to BIL.

And he is still the favorite.