A Week Later

Okay.

So things are somewhat better.

But only somewhat.

I wonder if they ever will be all better ever again.

Probably not.

MIL apologized to us (well more me since B was still in bed) about the whole big fiasco and not talking to us etc. She said she is just so sad and wants things to be normal and how they were. But things will never be normal again and she can't accept that. She doesn't want to interfere with our lives but she is scared to do things herself. I asked her how she was able to do things for herself when they lived in PA and worked separate shifts and hardly saw each other. She claimed just knowing FIL was there helped but she still hated doing anything alone. She did it because she had to. So I told her, well, this is something you have to do again. It will suck and be hard but you have to do it, you have to live. She didn't really answer me on that one.

I let it go for now because I probably would never get through any way.

I am glad she finally talked to us because I was fast approaching my limit on how many days I was going to let go by with her ignoring us. She claimed she thought we did not want to talk to her so she stayed away. I almost called bullshit since we kept trying to engage her and SHE ignored us, but whatever.

It's like talking to a child sometimes and that is what is so frustrating.

I asked about therapy again, saying ti would help if she talked to someone about all of this. Again she vehemently shot down that idea. But I went one step further and asked why she was so adamant about not going. She claimed her sister had been seeing a therapist for years and never helped her and once they took B's oldest brother to a shrink and it didn't help him, so she knows it wouldn't help. Again I bit my tongue. I was going to say "well, sure, if you don't want help then no, it won't work," but I didn't. Because she would probably take it as snarky. I did mention that they would not try to "fix" her as she claimed these other therapists did not do, but show her a way to deal with living without her husband, by dealing with the loss. She did not appear to hear me.

So things are somewhat better. But not much. Tuesday was an okay day. We went shopping and she seemed more alive so to speak than ever before. But then Wednesday she goes to her slot tournament and looses a whole lot of money and tonight she went with B to work with him AGAIN! I can not say how upset this makes me. B knows it is wrong, even told me he did not want her to go and was quick to point out she claimed she brought no money with her but was going to read for his 8 hour shift. Sweetheart, I love you but you are so fucking naive.

But I can't get involved in that one. That is one for her sons to handle. Because she knows I am not all about the gambling so she would see it as an attack on her and what she likes to do. She is going to have to hear it from her sons and they are going to have to put an end to her endless waste of money.

She leaves for Houston on the 23rd of February and then is going to PA and then back to Houston. She won't return until around March 26th. I have mixed feelings about this. One, she got the plane tickets before checking with anyone so when she is in PA her DIL has to work, the one week in March she couldn't take off. Oh well, plane tickets are non-transferable. Which is fine, because she doesn't appear to want to be in PA for longer than a week anyway. I thought this odd. She has all her friends and family in PA not to mention a brand-new granddaughter she hasn't met yet. She is going to cram all of that in a week? Why spend four weeks in Houston where she knows NO ONE rather than where she has people who care and want to see her? At first I thought it was because M is in Houston and she wants to spend as much time as she can with her favorite, even above seeing her granddaughter. But when I gently asked she claimed it is going to be too hard to be in PA where they lived for so long and everything is familiar and make her think of FIL. She wouldn't' go at all if she had a choice. It is easier to stay in Houston because they have no ties there. WTF??? I mean, I understand the memories might be hard to deal with at times but maybe I think differently than her. I would WANT to be with those who remembered my love one, would WANT to be somewhere comfortable and familiar. What the hell is she going to do in Houston with no car, no idea where she is and no one around since M and his bitch wife have to work? In PA she has her own house, car, people to see. To me this is just another way to avoid the issue, to avoid reality and it will make things harder for her down the line.

But like I said, I am different from her.

The other thing that upsets me is that fact she is going to be gone over B's birthday. Since she planned everything without telling any one she completely missed the dates and the fact B will be celebrating his first birthday without his father without his mother either. Something I know upsets him. But will he say something? No, of course not. So I did. And she didn't care. I plan on making this the best birthday I can for B to erase the hurt.

I am looking forward to her being gone. And if we can move into our new lace before she gets back, all the better.

I deal with the consequences of that later.