I just got attacked by a co-worker in a meeting to discuss the difficulties we have with each other. In the middle of everything he suddenly turned to me and said flat out:
"I hate you and I will never like you."
While I feel the same about him, but I would never have said it.
He then went on and on describing how I never step up and help out, how I act like I am better than everyone else and all of the horrible things he has heard I have said about him, none of which are true. And that if he hears anything else he will "take it upstairs" and "deal with me." Obviously someone is feeding him falsehoods about me or he is creating this fantasy all his own. I am beyond caring.
All the while he is talking these lies a mantra is going in my head.
"Why am I still here? Why am I still putting up with this shit?"
So I made the decision to quit then and there, but did not have the luxury to do so as I would have liked. Which would have been stand up and scream, "I can't take this any more, I quit!"
We can't afford for me to do that. But I can't work here any more either so something needs to be done. Things are never going to change so something needs to be done. Everyone has told me for months I need to get out and I am done giving this place chance after chance to prove them wrong. This is the very last straw.
Because now I know there is a target on my back, however unjustified it is.
And I know leaving makes them win, but I am beyond caring.
Because no one should cry this much at their job.
No one.
Friday, March 14, 2008
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8 comments:
I am so sorry you are going through this. Not sure how it will all end up but I suspect you will find something out there that makes you a whole and happy person. Hang in there kiddo and don't let them knock down your spirit.
Hallie :)
Wait- were there any witnesses? You really should have uninvolved parties present in case of such crap! That way someone can vouch when you give the reason why you're quitting. I mean, that's harrassment. You should really make some noise about that to the people upstairs.
I would have just turned around and walked not. No "I quit." or anything. Just. walked. out. and never walked back in. (Actually... I did that once... I shall blog it for you.)
You can do ANYTHING, at this point, just to make SOME money and it will be better than this. Factor in the gas you're not using, the money you're not spending on gas, the meals you can eat at home instead of away from the house... etc...
It's funny how it always works out even though it doesn't look like it will on paper.
I say start hitting up every job you find- you never know who will take a chance on you, who will see that you are a bright, educated, responsible, capable adult, who will offer you more... someone at something like a Petsmart might say "Hey, you're overqualified for the cashier job, how 'bout management?"
It's not that bad.
You never liked producing, you never liked that place, it obviously isn't you and it's time for a new fit.
I say just don't go back.
They can shove it.
That sucks sooooo bad gal!!! I feel for you I really do.
I feel the dame way, I want to leave my work and I cant...we need the money. I don't think I will ever be able to leave, although I may have to leave if they sell out which they are thinking about doing. But I understand. Get your resume out there, send it to every other station around, put it on monster, what ever you have to do. Hopefully you wont have to deal with this much longer.
I was also thinking:
You SHOULD approach your HR dept./representative about this instance. Work is not meant to be a hostile place where people are harassed, attacked and afraid. This is what HR is there for.
They are supposed to allow you to file complaints and create a record so that when crap like this happens, there is something to look back on, and a decision can be made. As I mentioned elsewhere, NO-ONE explained HR to me when it happened to me at my job. I was completely new to the corporate workplace, where such things happen and people are in place to deal with it. I got a raw deal. If I had known back then, and had been more experienced, I would have sued (if I could have found a company that didn't quake in fear at the mere mention of the business whenever I would call the "free consultation" numbers.
You owe it to yourself, and to anyone else working there, to start filing reports on crap like this.
The worst they could do is fire you, and how bad is that, really, when you could then collect unemployment and there would be no financial worry as you looked for your dream job?
Work is supposed to be a safe place, where people can perform their tasks optimally because someone is looking out for their well-being. Your workplace is not doing this. If you keep quiet about it, you're not helping it become a better place to work.
I once mentioned to a friend who works at a little company called Microsoft that "it's not to much to ask to be happy at our jobs". She came unglued and said that happiness has nothing to do with our jobs, and after I picked up my jaw from the floor, we left that subject alone. I haven't talked with her in about 3 years,(natural attrition) and I have a new job from the old one that I walked out of and I am a happy person. It's a matter of choice, and when I walked out on that job on that liberating day a few years ago, no amount of money could make me stay there. I hated my job so much, that it was wrecking my health. I was the major bread winner then and even to this day I don't know how we got by, but in 6 months time I was back in the saddle and we didn't skip a beat on any bills.
You have a talent with words and direction. Will you write a screen play for me? I have this great idea. I love your attention to detail and how you visualize.
You WILL succeed, every step of the way.
Hey! I emailed you my suggestions, which is what everyone here has suggested. The lawyer is DEFINITELY the way to go, even if you're only getting advice. But, it sounds like it's time to sue!
If you were meeting to discuss your difficulties, there must have been someone else present, presumably conducting the meeting. How did they let it all get so out of hand??
That is so ridiculous. Yeah, I get workable conflicts - we all have them, but seriously? "I hate you"? That's just so juvenile. And you never should have been subjected to that kind of rant in a professional setting.
The reality is that you've been unhappy in this job for a long, long time and maybe this is a blessing more than anything. Your disdain likely shows, but that is no excuse for this kind of treatment.
Just get out, girl. I understand that financially it's not the ideal, but this job can not be paying you well enough to have to endure this kind of treatment. It's impossible that your salary is worth the misery that is being served to you on a daily basis.
Are you okay?
If you are happier, it ends your depression, you aren't crying at your job anymore, then you win.
Personally, I think it is their loss.
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