The New York Trip

Many of you may know about my impending trip to New York. This trip was conjured up by myself as a tool to help me adjust to turning thirty in October. I wanted to do something for my birthday that I haven't done for a long time. Something that is totally me. So I decided what I really wanted was to go see a few Broadway shows. It has been years since I have been to New York City, years since I have seen a full-length Broadway show. I wanted this trip to brighten my mood and lift my spirits that have been so down since the beginning of this year, the year I am to turn thirty.

So I started to plan in January. I decided what shows I wanted to see and about when I wanted to go and started looking into plane tickets. My first mistake was mentioning my desire to go on this trip on my other blog. Not two hours after posting the possibility that I may be going to New York at the end of the summer, my mother had emailed me. She wanted to come down for the weekend to see me and maybe go to a show. Since I had resigned myself to taking this trip alone because hubby couldn't get the time off and we couldn't afford for both of us to go anyway (And actually preferred it that way. This was my soul-searching trip after all) I thought it might be nice near the end of my trip to see my mom and spend some quality time with her. It certainly would put both my parents' and my husband's minds at ease that I wouldn't be totally on my own in the big bad Big Apple.

This was my second mistake. For I did not know my mother had mentioned to her friend Andrea that I was planning this trip and my mom was going to go down to New York and meet me, but she didn't want to go alone because New York scares her. So Andrea agrees to come along with my mother. All of this is happening without my knowledge. The next time I speak to my mother she informs me that not only is she going to come down to New York to be with me, but Andrea is coming too, and they are taking the train and well be there waiting for me when my plane arrives. Yippie.

Oh, and they are both coming for the whole week.

I should have nipped it in the butt right then and there. This was supposed to be MY birthday trip after all. My last hurrah so to speak before turning thirty. I was looking forward to not having to answer to anyone, come and go when I please and basically relax for the first time in about five+ years. Added to all of this is the fact I do not really care for Andrea. She is okay, but I just don't like to spend more time than I have to with her. She is my mother's friend and has been for years so our families have always been thrown together for numerous "fun" trips as kids (think apple picking, beach trips, concerts.) And her two kids are about the same age as my brother and I so we were always lumped together.

But I have always felt odd around them. First of all, Andrea tends to push my mother around. This is partly my mother's fault since she never stands up to anyone (except, ironically, me), but it is hard to respect and like someone who manages to convince my mother to do things she doesn't like to do. Secondly, her son has had this crush on me since we were like ten and it has only gotten weirder and more uncomfortable ever since I got married. And then there is the daughter, who is just weird in her own way. One of those too-smart-for-her-own-good-no-social-skills kind of girls. When I was younger, in middle and high school, I made valiant efforts to get along and make some kind of connection with all of them since we were constantly thrown together. But once I graduated from college, was married and living on my own, I decided, fuck it. I don't like them, they are not MY friends and I don't live near them any more so I don't have to be nice. Thus whenever her son decides to make a trip to Vegas to "hang out" (his term for trying to see me and drool all over me, completely ignoring my husband deliberately) I always make sure I am busy. He got so persistent with trying to stay in touch, refusing to accept my subtle hints that I don't want to be friends with him, that I have had to block him from my phone, email and MySpace. Although now he just found me on Facebook! I can't escape.

So needless to say I was not happy about this situation. But I really wanted to see my mom so if that meant playing nice to Andrea, so be it. We would be in different hotel rooms and doing our own thing most of the time (according to my mother) so I would hardly have to interact with her. Problem was going to be I would never have any alone time with my mother, but oh well. Too much time alone with even my mom annoys me anyway so maybe having someone there to accompany her was for the best. Feeling slightly like my trip was slowly slipping away from my grasp, I agreed, like the good daughter than I am.

The first major shake-up came when I was planning out the tickets for the Broadway shows I wanted to see. I had very specific things I wanted to make my dream trip a reality. I wanted to see three shows (one of them twice) and I wanted to sit in the first three rows center for each (except for the second time seeing Spring Awakening, I wanted to sit on stage, stage left, the Jonathon Groff bum side.) To ensure I got the seats I wanted, time was of the essence. I had to get my tickets soon, especially for Grease, because these were popular shows and would sell out quickly. In February I called my mother and asked her if she and Andrea were going to any of the shows because I wanted to buy tickets and I needed to know if I was buying one or three tickets. I stressed to her the time issue and needing a reply soon.

She didn't get back to me for almost three weeks.

Meanwhile I am watching my seats disappear. My husband was getting steadily pissed because I was not ordering the tickets I wanted because I was waiting for my mother to tell me what shows they wanted to see so not to upset my mother by getting my tickets and leaving her and Andrea out in the cold. This was making me upset because I wasn't going to sit where I wanted since I waited for so long. Me being upset upsets hubby even more so you can imagine how much fun those weeks were.

Every other day I would call my mom and she would tell me she hasn't talked to Andrea so she didn't know yet. I explain to her over and over again that the seats are running out and she brushes me off like I don't know what I am talking about. Finally, I am done being a good daughter. I can't wait any longer and snatch up some of the last seats for my three shows.

Spring Awakening - Row H
Grease - Upper Balcony, Row J
Wicked - Left Upper Mezzanine, Row L
Spring Awakening - On stage, Stage right, in the back next to the band

Not one seat in the first three rows center, some not even in the orchestra. Not what I had planned at all.

I was not happy.

Right then I felt my trip was ruined. I mean, I had been planning this and planning this and had a vision in my head about what my trip would be like. It wouldn't have been hard to complete that vision, if I could have done things in the timely fashion I knew they needed to be done.

When I said something to my mom she said I should be happy I get to go to the shows at all. Where I sat didn't matter. I tried to explain to her the entire purpose of this trip for me, but she didn't listen. She was upset because I had gotten the last ticket to Grease available on the night I wanted to go and she and Andrea couldn't go see that show. The only show they did get tickets was Wicked. and she was pissed that they were sitting on the other side of the theatre from me. They were the only seats they could find since they booked them a week after I got mine.

I started to feel like I didn't want to go any more. But I had spent all this money on airline tickets and theatre tickets and was planning to meet with friends, I felt I had to go.

The second problem became the hotel. I had been researching hotels near the theatres I would be going to see the shows in. I came up with a few nice places that were nothing flashy but provided the main things I needed. A bed and a shower. I didn't need a lot, I wasn't planning on spending a lot of time in the room. And these places were not hugely expensive, between $90 - $120 a night. My mom had said she wanted to pay for my hotel room as my birthday present so I sent her the information. This was yet another mistake on my part.

Two days later she emails me back and tell me Andrea wants to stay in the Portland Square Hotel because she has stayed there before and she likes it. I explained that the Portland Square Hotel is not really in the area I wanted near the theatres or in the price range I wished to spend. She reminded me she was paying so it was okay.

It was not okay. The Portland Square Hotel is much more expensive than the ones I had sent her. And we know nothing about it. It is much more expensive we would all have to share. one. room. Problem is my mother booked the hotel and paid for it on her credit card before checking with me that this was okay.

So now I have to stay in one hotel room with my mother and a woman I don't like, for one week, and sleep in the same bed as my mother. When I mentioned to my mom about getting my own room she squawked at the idea since she paid so much for the one she booked already and paid the extra person fee. I was stuck.

Now I really didn't want to go. But the idea of getting away and seeing some shows (albeit not in the seats I wanted to sit, but seeing them nonetheless) still held its appeal. My mother insisted they would not hold me back, I didn't have to do anything with them, I could do my own thing. Problem was, I would feel guilty if I didn't. My mom did want to spend time with me after all so me going off on my own every day would not sit well with her.

But despite all this I resigned myself that I would make the best of the trip. I would turn all those negatives around and have a wonderful time. I was going to make it MY trip again.

Until I got an email on Thursday that read the following: Andrea just told me Melissa (her daughter) is going to come up from school (in New Jersey) and spend some time with us when we are in New York.

That. Was. It.

It was bad enough I had to put up with my mom and her friend for a week, bad enough they made miss out on the seats I wanted for my shows, bad enough I had to share a room with both of them. But now the daughter I CAN'T STAND is coming to stay with us IN OUR ROOM and NOBODY ASKED ME?

When I called my mom on Friday I was calm. I explained how much I did not like Melissa and how I did not want her to come up let alone stay in our room. My mom explained that Andrea already asked her and they would "probably" get their own room, but she wasn't sure, which is code for we would all be in one room. So I told my mom to tell Andrea to unask her and if she wouldn't I would call and do it. My mom hedged and hawed because she didn't want to upset her friend. I then find out that my mom knew about the possibility Melissa might be joining us IN MAY, and didn't say anything because she worried I might get upset. HELL YEAH I would get upset. I considered this a betrayal on my mother's part and reminded her this was supposed to be MY trip and I thought I had been pretty understanding about all the things that had happened out of my control because of Andrea. My mother then went on to say that she thinks Andrea lost track of the fact that this was originally MY trip and why I wanted to take it. But it was too late to say anything to her about it now.

We then got into a HUGE screaming match where she accused me of hating her friend (true) and that I was being a selfish brat and only thinking about myself. I reminded her again that this whole trip was my idea in the first place, she and Andrea just invited themselves along and then proceeded to ruin what I wanted my trip to be. So if this was how I would have to endure the trip, I wanted my own room. She turned on me and said I needed to learn to accept that I couldn't have everything my way and to think of others first. So I took it a step further and said I wasn't going to go if Andrea came and since my mom had been complaining to me for months on how Andrea hasn't paid for anything yet, always telling my mom they would settle up at the end of the trip, then Andrea had no hold over her and my mom could come on her own and she and I could do the trip together.

My mom screams at me and fires off her fatal shot, informing me that she isn't going to come to New York, she NEVER wanted to come to New York in the first place, she HATES New York and since she wasn't going then I wouldn't have to worry myself about having to demean myself to congregate with Andrea and told me to enjoy the room myself.

Then she promptly hung up on me.

I haven't heard from her since.

SHE NEVER WANTED TO COME?

It was her inviting herself and her friend along on my trip that sent this domino effect of imposition off in the first place.

I am sure there was a lot more to our little conversation that day that I am forgetting to include here. We said an awful lot of things. But I had reached my breaking point. I hadn't said anything about any of it before (which I admitted was my fault) and was ready to accept things as they were. Until Andrea started inviting more people to what was SUPPOSED to be MY birthday present trip. I am still so upset I don't even WANT to remember everything that passed between my mother and I. I haven't stopped crying since Friday and my stomach has been in knots because I know my husband is going to make me get on that plane in two days. He can't stand the idea of wasting that much money.

Now you know why I don't want to go.

This is why I have been in such a foul distemper lately, feeling so out-of-sorts. Not being able to talk about this whole mess on my other blog only added to my frustration.

I am supposed to leave on Wednesday.

I haven't even packed yet.

And I don't want to.